If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
