I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
