I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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