just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
