I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
