FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I still have a little drunk in my system
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
