it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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