this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Dignity is for republicans.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
