I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
