I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he was CRYING into my vagina
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
