Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
