Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
