dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You took a bar mat shot.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
