so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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