It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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