So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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