you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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