when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Randomize
