The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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