You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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