you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
