After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
