dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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