I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
