well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
