It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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