I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
