My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
