Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
please don't ironically join a cult
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