Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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