My room smells like vodka and shame
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
