i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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