I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
