So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
