Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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