I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
