and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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