The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
