Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
