What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
