so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
How does it feel to date your dad?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
