why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
