I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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