We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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