please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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