I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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