She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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