last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
