Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
