she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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