Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Alive.
So much puke
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The uberlube is also flammable
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
