He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
