I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
