I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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