she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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