Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
