btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
