this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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