I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
